ILU.

So I've decided that I want to get back into the swing of things as far as my lifestyle and eating habits are concerned.

Almost hmm 3 years ago, I hadn't been feeling well and went to the Dr.  They said nothing was wrong but I knew something needed to change in my life to live a completely, healthy life; so I signed myself up at a gym and started going 4 days a week, 2 hours each time.  Eating 3 meals a day and limiting myself to eating only grilled chicken, some fish, veggies, fruits, and almonds.  I quit drinking alcohol, fast food and fried foods. 

From July 7 until December of 2006, I lost almost 60 lbs. and went down 4 pant sizes. I felt amazing, was looking amazing and life was really positive. 

Then, when I least expected it, I had met someone, and my concern was more on her than on me and my health. I didn't go to the gym as much and I started eating when she ate, and what she ate and well... she broke my heart within a few months and I became depressed. I ate whatever I wanted to, and eventually ran off to Ecuador for the Summer, studied at USFQ and never went to the gym (although I walked almost everywhere that I went). 

As I came back to the US, I continued on this path, I rarely went to the gym, continued to eat - spent a year playing mind games with someone whom I loved, only to get hurt in the long run and become more depressed about my situation.

I vowed to myself, that after her, I'd never fall so hard. That I'd never fall for someone, the way I fell for her. That this pain isn't worth it to feel again. I had quite a few relationships after her, mostly just physical, a few were emotional, but nothing significant. 

I added more jobs to my schedule, and between class, jobs and well, you know... life, my lack to pursue a healthier lifestyle ceased.  

I gained that 60 lbs. back and when I look in the mirror, sometimes I feel like I look worse than before I had started losing that weight. 

I told myself that after my internship year, I was going to dedicate time to working out, eating right and becoming the person I was before.

And that leads me to where I am today. Right now. 

6 months ago, I started seeing someone -- it was really unexpected - I told myself that I didn't have time for a relationship or just physical or whatever this was becoming. I was determined that I needed to be single because my goal was to be able to move out of Michigan by August.

Thanks to this beautiful woman, I got my membership to a gym and I've started going again. I've spoken to a family friend who had that lap-band surgery (sp?) and realized that I don't need surgery to change -- I can do this on my own -- and I WILL. 

A day after our 6 month mark (or rather this past weekend), the person I was seeing broke everything off between us.  Via the phone, mind you.  Somewhat coerced, but still unnecessary. 

Right now I'm in a lot of pain. I told this person, 2 weeks ago, that I am in love with her. I fell again. Hard. My plans have slowly changed and now I want to stay in Michigan at least for another year- my family is here, my friends are here. I can continue living in the armpit of the United States for another year... or so...

Everything was going really well -- I was on a high, and then this. I don't know where it all came from.  I still haven't spoken to her in person. Who knows if I will get an opportunity to do so. 

So right now I'm at this pivotal time in my life -- I am trying to make change, throughout a process of being sad and losing someone whom I thought loved me. 

I'm at this middle ground - because I'm happy in one aspect but sad in another -- and I'm trying to rationalize it all so that I can continue on. 

I don't want this to be a long, lonely summer - nor a depressing one. And I'd love for it to be more than just work, work, work.

So this is it. I just felt like I should write out my thoughts because whenever I was emotional in the past, I would write in my old Livejournal and it always helped. 

ILU.